I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
