He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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