I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
