I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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