If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
