how can u be prego again
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
