I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
