The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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