How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm at about main and main street
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
