id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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