She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What a dumb baby whore.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
