last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
