Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
