why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
