ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The best revenge is premature balding
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
