I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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