yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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