i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This baby is an asshole
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
