Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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