While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
