oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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