I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
