I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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