office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
