I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
