yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
