yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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