dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
