So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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