Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
