Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
