Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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