Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
