Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
