dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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