what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
