Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
