sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
