I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize