I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
