Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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