Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
