I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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