The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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