Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
