I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
