Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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