I could make wine with my vomit
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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