Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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