She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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