Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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