I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
