Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
