My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
