Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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