Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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