You're my little dorito
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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