Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I need to wash the frat house off of me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
