Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
