I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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