New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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