Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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