i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just want nice things and good sex
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
