About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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