I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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