STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
