Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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